i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
