I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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