things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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