So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
