Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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