kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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