I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
