careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
