I think my vagina is haunted
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
