So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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