remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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