I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
