I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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