I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
