Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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