Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
