Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
