its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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