I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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