I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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