I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
