This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
