I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
