Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
