she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
