I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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