WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
