My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
