My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
