worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
this hospital has no fireball
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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