I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
