the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
birth control should be required to get into college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
