I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
