I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
