Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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