I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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