Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
