I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
