Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
