The maid of honor just puked.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
