I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
