Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
