highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
