I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
