I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
