Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize