Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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