Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
