We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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