It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
