clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
