Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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