I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We need a shit load of segways right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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