Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
