Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
