i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
