this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
