He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fuck appropriateness.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
