just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
