true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
