Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
