When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
