I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what day is it and did you see me today?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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