she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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