My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize