I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
