we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
