he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
